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天下文壇
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英文詩苑
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A trail of Light
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畢泠 江山如畫
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| 發帖人 主題標題： | A trail of Light 回覆數: 7 點數: 503 | 第 1 樓 |
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時間：2004-11-23 09:37
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A trail of Light 摘自 天下文壇 寒鴉 2004-11-23 09:37 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl alas! in this starry starry night wills crossing leaving a trail of light transcending from spaces to no spaces un-told, un-known if i could, if you would free my minds empty my cups let thy spirt pour into our hearts grace abund! ====================== __ a peaceful night song 這是上週末夜裡ㄉ塗鴉! l may not come up with new "real" poems for a while.. somehow, it takes me whole lot of energy to just start my chinese ancient poetry practices. 英文詩苑 truely is my priority 2 ! :wink: means the second 放心,我還是會偷著上來這homeㄉ..嘻 again, sending my heartfilled 祝福 to you at this wonderful season yaya ====================== 附上起先ㄉ一口氣呢喃 alas! in the starry starry night wills crossing leaving a trail of light transcending from spaces to no spaces sorrow untold joy unspoken if you can if i would empty thy cups let the spirt spring into our hearts grace abund! 天下文壇 天下文壇 寒鴉 2004-11-23 09:37 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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| 回覆： | 第 2 樓 |
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時間：2004-11-24 06:16
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摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2004-11-24 06:16 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl 寒鴉好！ 對不起，還沒回您，今年晚上會一併把幾首小詩讀完，再貼文交流。 Happy Holidays! :P 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2004-11-24 06:16 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣，給您最大的祝福 ... |
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| 回覆： | 第 3 樓 |
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時間：2004-11-24 07:59
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摘自 天下文壇 莫名 2004-11-24 07:59 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU! 天下文壇 天下文壇 莫名 2004-11-24 07:59 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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| 回覆： | 第 4 樓 |
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時間：2004-11-25 09:21
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摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2004-11-25 09:21 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl Dear 寒鴉, Don't worry! You should take it easy, especially when you are writing. We should all enjoy what we are doing; otherwise, the interest will be lost in no time. You do whatever suits you the best! Best wishes to you! Some of the suggestions here參考： 1)要注意拼音 Spelling，兩個 starry 中間要加逗點，其他如文中註。 2) 這首詩有點亂，意境想法很悠遠，但表達出來的不太清楚，很可惜；有少了一節甚至兩節的感覺，很不完整。在第二段就有點空泛了，與前面的銜接不上，建議再至少再加一小段，讓那個要靈魂交換的部分有個交代。雖然，用中文的念頭寫英文詩比較麻煩，若是能先把完整的文章禱文寫出來後，再重整會比現在片段的感覺好一些。 不好意思，根據感覺說話，希望您不介意。 聖誕快樂！ Alas! In this starry, starry night Wills crossing ---- 是要表達希望和理想吧？交會需要兩種，the other one? Wills 不是很好的說法。 Leaving a trail of light Transcending 這裡可以再加強，What to transcend? From spaces to no spaces un-told, un-known If I could, if you would Free my minds 一般會用Clear my mind, free my soul Empty my cups ---- 這樣太直接了，換個方式表達 let thy spirit pour into our hearts Let thy spirit filled my soul, 用 thy 代替 your 的話，前面比較少用到 Let，還有第二段沒有說明或點明這 thy 的尊貴，沒有澆灌靈魂的說服力。 Grace abound! ........................................................................ alas! in this starry starry night wills crossing leaving a trail of light transcending from spaces to no spaces un-told, un-known if i could, if you would free my minds empty my cups let thy spirt pour into our hearts grace abund! 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2004-11-25 09:21 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣，給您最大的祝福 ... |
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| 回覆： | 第 5 樓 |
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時間：2004-11-25 09:26
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摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2004-11-25 09:26 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl Dear YaYa, 抱歉，剛才看到妳你的第一口氣呢喃，這一段還比較完整的感覺，改編過的看起來文字較寬卻少掉連接的東西，把兩份再咀嚼一下，味道可能就出來啦。 Good Luck! 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2004-11-25 09:26 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣，給您最大的祝福 ... |
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| 回覆： | 第 6 樓 |
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時間：2004-11-25 09:51
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摘自 天下文壇 莫名 2004-11-25 09:51 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl 泠﹑鴉詞長﹕ Shouldn't the last line be "Grace abounds"? 天下文壇 天下文壇 莫名 2004-11-25 09:51 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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| 回覆： | 第 7 樓 |
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時間：2004-11-26 00:41
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摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2004-11-26 00:41 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl 莫名版主好！Yes, You're right, with the s sound, it will be ended in rhyme. Dear Yaya and friends, Merry Christmas! 看到這首詩，覺得可以分享。祝--佳節快樂。 [b:e0c6461784]INNER SPACE Alan B Warner[/b:e0c6461784] I look within and find abiding there A universe unfolding in my sight A world so vast and rich I pause to ask From whence it comes this energy and light. I look around, discover naught but me Yet not alone for deep within I know An essence from which all existence forms A seed which causes everything to grow. I float among the planets and the stars Breathless and alert with growing joy I sense the wondrous peace creation brings And marvel at the grace it does employ. From inner space I view eternity With vision altered, sure to realize When I return and once again perceive [color=blue:e0c6461784]My world, Il do it now with open eyes. [/color:e0c6461784] For now I know the world around me forms By following the path my nature gives And I am one with all that ever was And all that ever was within me lives. 0- 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2004-11-26 00:41 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣，給您最大的祝福 ... |
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| 回覆： | 第 8 樓 |
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時間：2004-11-26 10:59
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摘自 天下文壇 寒鴉 2004-11-26 10:59 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl dear 畢版版, thank you for all the wonderful reading materials. i need to take quite some time to digest though. meanwhile, you may comment on my 四行詩 first, then i could learn. wish you a happy holiday! :D yaya 天下文壇 天下文壇 寒鴉 2004-11-26 10:59 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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