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天下文壇 > 英文詩苑 > 因心記植物人特麗夏沃(美國)事2005 | 畢泠 江山如畫 |
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發帖人 主題標題: | 因心記植物人特麗夏沃(美國)事2005 回覆數: 2 點數: 550 | 第 1 樓 |
時間:2005-05-08 12:12 | ||
因心記植物人特麗夏沃(美國)事2005 摘自 天下文壇 vansanstone 2005-05-08 12:12 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl 因心記植物人特麗夏沃(美國)事2005 為了孩子,為了伴侶,可以天天去洗尿布。 但誰也不會真的願被人天天這樣照顧。 男孩或有微微的臭味,人們會講他是個男人。 女孩卻會偷偷的感到難受。 特麗會知道嗎?她會怎麼說呢? 為得其一而闖萬關,還是闖萬關而終失其一? FOR MIND OF TALY 2005 My foundation will make me clean the smelly every day, same as the parent and the buddy. Who willing treated such as to the body? He is a man, sometimes, a little bad smell from the boy. Girl will fell blue with no words to say. Would Taly know? What would play? To get it through the forest, or lost in forest for a little ray? [email protected] 2005-4-22 注釋:foundation系美國常見世俗用語,並不代表作者有或特麗家人一定有此宗教信仰。其他用語類似。英文原創詩歌。中文原創詩歌。 作者自我介紹 草民敦厚。理工出生。年過三十。試過格律,總象仿作。唐宋後人詩詞盡。如寫感悟,雖有巧似,但無大礙,終成自像。一腔詩詞灑網叢。 Brief Introduction of Vansanstone(sands & stone) sands neath water.stone in grass.standing by natural science.overrun thirty.tryed classical poems,but seemed imitations,cause,the ancient songsters had used up the characters assembling.to build up my own album,trueself on the nets. 致歉對天下文壇英文詩苑版主: 作者前因缺乏經驗,沒有對詩稿分段,佔用您的寶貴時間,在此公開深表歉意。 天下文壇 天下文壇 vansanstone 2005-05-08 12:12 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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回覆: | Vansanstone 詞長好!. | 第 2 樓 |
時間:2005-05-08 12:12 | ||
Vansanstone 詞長好!. 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 12:12 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl Vansanstone 詞長好! 不必客氣,您每篇都致歉,我會不好意思滴。 1) 根據您的英文詩稿,一點建議供您參考。 Line2 - 6: 文句型態及用法上不太順,主題不怎麼連貫。 應該是為了配合押尾韻的關係,建議您換個韻字,可能會好些。 以下只是一些建議,給您做重新調整的參考。 為了孩子,為了伴侶,可以天天去洗尿布。 但是,誰也不願意真的天天被人這樣照顧。 偶而不注意時,身上難免會有些臭味, 男孩較不在意,人們會說他是男人唄! 女孩卻會難過,可能會偷偷的掉眼淚。 特麗會知道嗎?她會怎麼說呢? 應該繼續煩擾無奈的日子? 還是拋開一切求平靜安歇? For your kids, or for your close buddy, You may do their diapers change daily, But no one likes to be cared this much. Sometimes, from neglected clean touch, Might leave smelling odors on their body. The smells probably won't harm boys any, As people think that's how guys would be. But definitely that'll hurt girl's feeling, She may cry while nobody is watching. But definitely it will hurt girl's feeling, She may cry while nobody is watching. But it will hurt girl's feeling definitely, She may have her tears broken silently. Would Tally notice the difference? And what would be her response? Should she continue her miserable days, or giving herself up for a peaceful phase? 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 12:12 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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