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天下文壇
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英文詩苑
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A morning song
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畢泠 江山如畫
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| 發帖人 主題標題： | A morning song 回覆數: 13 點數: 1020 | 第 1 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-08 00:38
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A morning song 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:38 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl 1 When I woke up in the morning a red roses by my window bloom Toke away my gloomy glum It’s such a wonderful morning I hear the skylark singing Sparrows are chatting Toke away my gloomy glum It’s such a wonderful morning Deep deep down inside I wish you are by my side Oh the morning star still shinning So I smiled watching children playing The time we were coming back It’s such a wonderful morning ===================== 哈! 塗鴉鴉! 呀呀學語 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:38 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣，給您最大的祝福 ... |
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| 回覆： | When I woke up in the mo. | 第 2 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-08 00:38
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When I woke up in the mo. 摘自 天下文壇 寒鴉 2005-05-08 00:38 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl 1 此貼您已經花了1 園閱讀費，可以閱讀 *@@* 了,要看仔細 貼主共投資了 10 園血本，每份定價 1 園出售 貼主目前虧損 -9 園 購買者1人 1 1 When I woke up in the morning a red rose by my window bloomed Toke away my gloomy glum It’s such a wonderful morning I hear the skylark singing Sparrows are chatting Toke away my gloomy glum It’s such a wonderful morning Deep deep down inside I wish you were by my side Oh the morning star still shinning So I smiled watching children playing The time we shared coming back It’s such a wonderful morning 天下文壇 天下文壇 寒鴉 2005-05-08 00:38 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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| 回覆： | When I woke up in the mo. | 第 3 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-08 00:39
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When I woke up in the mo. 摘自 天下文壇 莫名 2005-05-08 00:39 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl When I woke up in the morning a red roses by my window bloom -- “a ... roses" ? Toke away my gloomy glum -- "toke" or "Take" or "Took"? It’s such a wonderful morning I hear the skylark singing Sparrows are chatting Toke away my gloomy glum It’s such a wonderful morning Deep deep down inside -- the rhyme here is too identical I wish you are by my side Oh the morning star still shinning So I smiled watching children playing The time we were coming back -- “coming back" is too abrupt It’s such a wonderful morning 天下文壇 天下文壇 莫名 2005-05-08 00:39 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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| 回覆： |
__A Song of the Rose |
第 4 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-08 00:39
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__A Song of the Rose 摘自 天下文壇 寒鴉 2005-05-08 00:39 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl __A Song of the Rose When I woke up in the morning A pink rose by my window bloomed Take away my gloomy glum It's such a wonderful morning I hear the skylark, singing sparrows, chatting My wishing now lean onto their wings If I could, meet your smiling face Time goes by, watching my watch of roses Time of your present, now in presence, The Rose It's such a wonderful morning So I smiled, the time we were seems might My heart flying out to the sky, like a kite It's such a wonderful morning ====================== 近中午剛收到友人寄來的禮物,居然是隻有a rose 在錶面上的watch! 錶帶上還有好些朵呢! call it: the rose 天下文壇 天下文壇 寒鴉 2005-05-08 00:39 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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| 回覆： | 可名為: --__A time . | 第 5 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-08 00:40
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可名為: --__A time . 摘自 天下文壇 寒鴉 2005-05-08 00:40 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl 可名為: __A time of the Rose 天下文壇 天下文壇 寒鴉 2005-05-08 00:40 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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| 回覆： | 寒鴉詞長、莫名版. | 第 6 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-08 00:40
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寒鴉詞長、莫名版. 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:40 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl 寒鴉詞長、莫名版主好！ 抱歉，因為集中火力整理教材資料，所以來不及回您的。間天及明天會把有關聲韻部分的解說整理出來，有空時我們都研究研究。 名字兩個都很好聽，可能 A Song of The Rose will sound better. 小詩看到了，等一下回來給你 comments。 今天是冬至，吃了湯圓了吧！ Talk to you later! __A time of the Rose __A Song of the Rose When I woke up in the morning A pink rose by my window bloomed Take away my gloomy glum It's such a wonderful morning I hear the skylark, singing sparrows, chatting My wishing now lean onto their wings If I could, meet your smiling face Time goes by, watching my watch of roses Time of your present, now in presence, The Rose It's such a wonderful morning So I smiled, the time we were seems might My heart flying out to the sky, like a kite It's such a wonderful morning 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:40 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣，給您最大的祝福 ... |
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| 回覆： |
__A Song of The Rose |
第 7 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-08 00:40
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__A Song of The Rose 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:40 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl __A Song of The Rose When I woke up in the morning, A pink rose by window bloomed. It eased away my blue and glum. What a wonderful morning! I hear the wonder from noising, Skylark singing, sparrows chirping, My wish flies to reach their wings. If I could, seeing your smiling face. Holding in my hand, the watch chain, Roses, the gift of your hearted grain, A time tells love with your presence, I'll never feel lonely in your absence. What a wonderful morning! ................................................................................................ __A Song of The Rose When I woke up in the morning A pink rose by my window bloomed Take away my gloomy glum It's such a wonderful morning I hear the skylark, singing sparrows, chatting My wishing now lean onto their wings If I could, meet your smiling face Time goes by, watching my watch of roses Time of your present, now in presence, The Rose It's such a wonderful morning So I smiled, the time we were seems might My heart flying out to the sky, like a kite It's such a wonderful morning 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:40 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣，給您最大的祝福 ... |
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| 回覆： |
__A Song of The Rose |
第 8 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-08 00:41
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__A Song of The Rose 摘自 天下文壇 寒鴉 2005-05-08 00:41 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl __A Song of The Rose When I woke up in the morning, A pink rose by my window bloomed. It eased away my blue and glum. What a wonderful morning! I hear the wonder of cheering, Skylark singing, sparrows chirping, My wish flies to reach their wings. If I could, seeing your smiling face. Glancing at the Rose Watch chain, The present of your hearted grain, A time tells love with your presence. I will never feel lonely in your absence. What a wonderful morning! 天下文壇 天下文壇 寒鴉 2005-05-08 00:41 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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| 回覆： | For your reference, --. | 第 9 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-08 00:42
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For your reference, --. 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:42 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl For your reference, 1. Replace "glancing" with "Staring" or "Looking", glance 只是看一眼的短視，不是凝視 ... 2. Another way to start it .... By windonw VS Atrium 從小房間到玻璃大廳的空間對比，亦可暗喻在心房 ..... 空間比擬 ... Blue VS New 心情上憂鬱與開朗的轉折 Just some of the thoughts, You may try othrs ..... __A Song of The Rose A Pink Rose by window blooming, When I woke up in the morning, It eased away my blue and glum, So refreshing like I was in Atrium. I see a Pink Rose blooming, When I woke up in the morning, It eased away my glum and blue, Like I was in field and feeling new. I hear the wonder of cheering, Skylark singing, sparrows chirping, My wish flies to reach their wings. If I could, seeing your smiling face. Staring at the Rose Watch chain, The present of your hearted grain, A time tells love with your presence. I will never feel lonely in your absence. What a wonderful morning! ........................................................................................ __A Song of The Rose When I woke up in the morning, A pink rose by my window bloomed. It eased away my blue and glum. What a wonderful morning! I hear the wonder of cheering, .... Skylark singing, sparrows chirping, My wish flies to reach their wings. If I could, seeing your smiling face. Glancing at the Rose Watch chain, The present of your hearted grain, A time tells love with your presence. I will never feel lonely in your absence. What a wonderful morning! 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:42 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣，給您最大的祝福 ... |
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| 回覆： | A Song of The Rose --<. | 第 10 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-08 00:42
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A Song of The Rose --<. 摘自 天下文壇 寒鴉 2005-05-08 00:42 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl A Song of The Rose I saw a Pink Rose blooming, When I woke up in the morning. It eased away my glum and blue, Like I was in front of you feeling new. I heard the wonder of cheering, Skylark singing, sparrows chirping, My wishes flew to reach their wings. If I could, kissing you in the mornings. Staring at the Rose Watch chain, The present of your hearted grain, A time tells love with your presence. I will never feel lonely in your absence. What a wonderful morning! 天下文壇 天下文壇 寒鴉 2005-05-08 00:42 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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| 回覆： | For your reference -- Li. | 第 11 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-08 00:42
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For your reference -- Li. 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:42 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl For your reference -- Little bit touching-up! .................................................................... A Song of The Rose I saw a Pink Rose blooming, When I woke up in the morning. It eased away my glum and blue, Like I was in front of you feeling new. I heard the wonder of cheering, Skylark singing, sparrows chirping, My wishes flew to reach their wings. If I could, kissing your smiling face. Staring at the Rose Watch chain, The present of your hearted grain, A time tells love with your presence. I will never feel lonely in your absence. What a wonderful morning! 用 Kissing 浪漫一些，符合乘風託翼的想念，參考而已。and 的兩邊詞態要一樣，這裡不用可。 .......................................................................................... A Song of The Rose I saw a Pink Rose blooming, When I woke up in the morning, It eased away my glum and blue, Like I was in front of you and feeling new. I hear the wonder of cheering, Skylark singing, sparrows chirping, My wish flies to reach their wings. If I could, seeing your smiling face. Staring at the Rose Watch chain, The present of your hearted grain, A time tells love with your presence. I will never feel lonely in your absence. What a wonderful morning! 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:42 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣，給您最大的祝福 ... |
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| 回覆： | After repeated reading, . | 第 12 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-08 00:43
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After repeated reading, . 摘自 天下文壇 莫名 2005-05-08 00:43 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl After repeated reading, "winds" and "face" don't quite rhyme 天下文壇 天下文壇 莫名 2005-05-08 00:43 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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| 回覆： | Wings, not winds. "Wings. | 第 13 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-08 00:43
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Wings, not winds. "Wings. 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:43 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl Wings, not winds. "Wings" sound slightly better than winds. No, they are not the perfect rhyme, but they don’t sound too bad. I think it's ok, especially with the wishes and wings sounding words in the Para. The smiling face has a "Pop-up" effect in that Para, also, to keep the Composer's original thought to that wish thing. However, the other words-- Feelings, facings, mailings, mornings, gatherings ... are all the good matching rhyme words. Yaya might consider using these in that line as alternative, but might need to adjust the other lines to fit though. Morning would be a good choice too. I heard the wonder of cheering, Skylark singing, sparrows chirping, My wishes flew to reach their wings. If I could, kissing you in the mornings. 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:43 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣，給您最大的祝福 ... |
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| 回覆： | Dear Yaya, ----Noted. | 第 14 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-08 00:43
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Dear Yaya, ----Noted. 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:43 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl Dear Yaya, Noted that you have changed the line to in the mornings. That's good. I like it too. By the way, after the changes made to the post, if you need further attention on the post, then please post a small note, just to tell you changed it at the original column, then we can work from there. Just want to make sure no post is ignored by negligence, as the editing (changes made at the existed column) will not be shown on the index page. We won't know it until clicking the post link and read the contents. You are very talented, and creative too, Good-luck! All the best! ................................................................................................................ A Song of The Rose I saw a Pink Rose blooming, When I woke up in the morning. It eased away my glum and blue, Like I was in front of you feeling new. I heard the wonder of cheering, Skylark singing, sparrows chirping, My wishes flew to reach their wings. If I could, kissing you in the mornings. Staring at the Rose Watch chain, The present of your hearted grain, A time tells love with your presence. I will never feel lonely in your absence. What a wonderful morning! 寒鴉 在 星期一 一月 10, 2005 4:34 am 作了第 2 次修改 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:43 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣，給您最大的祝福 ... |
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