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天下文壇 > 英文詩苑 > 《Winter Sea》冬天的海邊 | 畢泠 江山如畫 |
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發帖人 主題標題: | 《Winter Sea》冬天的海邊 回覆數: 20 點數: 1793 | 第 1 樓 |
回覆: | Winter now here, sitting. | 第 2 樓 |
回覆: | “Let the tune of the s. | 第 3 樓 |
回覆: |
thanks 莫大大 -- |
第 4 樓 |
回覆: | Dear Yaya, ----This . | 第 5 樓 |
時間:2005-05-08 00:26 | ||
Dear Yaya, ----This . 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:26 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl Dear Yaya, This is a good one, very creative as to the original thoughts. But you need to interpret it in a proper way. Winter now here, sitting by my sea. -- If you replace my by the, will make it felt smoother Neither chasing the waves, seagull nor the wind; Neither bringing in the sand, island nor the shinned. -- Unreasonable expression Let the tune of the chamber be heard, so jazzy. -- Classical music, not jazz. Here are some of the lines for your reference only. a-b-b-a Winter is now here, sitting by the sea, Neither chasing the seagulls nor the wind; Drifting along the waves, feeling free of bind, May the tune of the nature be heard, so gypsy. ............................................................................................................ Winter is now here, sitting by the sea, Neither chasing the seagulls nor the wind: Drifting with the waves, dancing on the sand, Let the tune of the natural be heard, so divine. Drifting in the waves, dancing on the sand, Wishing bounds to rescind, free as no bind, Let the tune of the natural be heard, so divine! ...................................................................................................................... bind (UNPLEASANT SITUATION) noun [S] INFORMAL a difficult situation in which you are prevented from acting as you might like: http://dictionary.cambridge.org/define.asp?key=7518&dict=CALD This is the link to Cambridge dictionary, it helps. …………………………………………………………………………………… Winter now here, sitting by my sea. Neither chasing the waves, seagull nor the wind; Neither bringing in the sand, island nor the shinned. Let the tune of the chamber be heard, so jazzy. 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:26 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣,給您最大的祝福 ... |
回覆: | Winter Sea ----Winte. | 第 6 樓 |
回覆: | Winter is now here, sitt. | 第 7 樓 |
回覆: | A Flight Over the West H. | 第 8 樓 |
回覆: | A Flight Over the West H. | 第 9 樓 |
時間:2005-05-08 00:27 | ||
A Flight Over the West H. 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:27 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl A Flight Over the West Hill Dream is here now, floating like the cloud, West Hill shouts from the crowd. (Need to add something here if not sprouts ..... West Hill shouts, trembling from the crowd. Flying high, half way home thru the wind, Feeling free of bind, so I bound to rescind. West Hill sprouts and shouts from the crowd. 雲水間,飛夢寒, 魂飛夢斷別西山。 風送離情才半路,﹝離愁﹞ 愁人高臥羨煙還。﹝想﹞ PS 夢、飛重出,在英文版就將就了。 只是喜歡飛夢寒的感覺,好玩而已,中文詩詞請再與創作版交流。 ................................................................................................................. Dream is now here, floating like the clouds. West Hill pronounces from the crowds; Flying high, half way home with the wind, So I bound to rescind, feeling free of bind. 雲水間,雲水間, 夢魂飛斷別西山。 客過不留才半路, 愁人高臥點煙鬟。 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:27 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣,給您最大的祝福 ... |
回覆: | Both are cute, you may m. | 第 10 樓 |
時間:2005-05-08 00:27 | ||
Both are cute, you may m. 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:27 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl Both are cute, you may modify these to 8 lines. ................... Winter Sea Winter is now here, sitting by the sea. Neither chasing the seagulls nor the wind; Drifting with the waves, dancing on the sand, Let the tune of the nature be heard, so jazzy. Winter is now here, sitting by the sea. Neither chasing the waves nor the wind; Floating in the sky, drifting through the mind, Let the tune of the wonder be heard, so gypsy. Let the tune of the souls be heard, so gypsy. 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:27 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣,給您最大的祝福 ... |
回覆: | A Flight over the West H. | 第 11 樓 |
回覆: |
__Winter Sea -- |
第 12 樓 |
回覆: | 純是管見: ----. | 第 13 樓 |
時間:2005-05-08 00:28 | ||
純是管見: ----. 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:28 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl 純是管見: 雲水間意境很好,但重複就失味一些,吟誦起來韻味較不足,與下一句天字的連接少了亮的感覺。寒、山,間、山......如果喜歡雲水間,那下一句最好接上天字,這樣較順。 雲水間,雲水間,﹝雲傍煙、煙水天﹞ 夢寒飛別西山天;﹝邊﹞ 歸客乘風方半路,﹝旅﹞才 愁人思臥想鬟煙。 ................................................................................ 西山雲夢--瀟湘神 雲水間,雲水間, 夢寒飛斷別西山。 客過乘風才半路, 愁人高臥想煙鬟。 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:28 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣,給您最大的祝福 ... |
回覆: | 「瀟湘神」這詞,. | 第 14 樓 |
回覆: | 西山雲夢--瀟湘神 . | 第 15 樓 |
時間:2005-05-08 00:29 | ||
西山雲夢--瀟湘神 . 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:29 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl 西山雲夢--瀟湘神 雲水間,雲水間,夢寒蕭瑟別西天; 遊子賦歸風路晏,愁人思臥想鬟煙。 雲水間,雲水間,夢寒蕭瑟別西天; 歸客乘風山半掩,閑愁思臥想鬟煙。 雲水間,雲水間,夢飛渺渺別西山。 過客乘風方路半,愁人高臥想煙鬟。 ............................................................................................................ 瀟湘神 調始自唐劉禹錫詠湘妃詞。所謂賦題本意也。 單調二十七字,五句三平韻、一疊韻 劉禹錫 斑竹枝。斑竹枝。 淚痕點點寄相思。 ○●○ ○●○疊 ●○◎●●○○ 楚客欲聽瑤瑟怨。瀟湘深夜月明時。 ●●●○○●●。○○○●●○○ 此詞首三字例用疊句。如劉詞別首之〔湘水流,湘水流〕是也。其第三句〔九疑雲物至今秋〕,雲字平聲。 .............................................................................................................. 雲水間,雲水間, 夢寒飛別了西山。 (平仄該如此,故..) 客過乘風方半路, 愁人高臥想煙鬟。 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:29 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣,給您最大的祝福 ... |
回覆: | A Flight over the West H. | 第 16 樓 |
回覆: | A Flight over the West H. | 第 17 樓 |
時間:2005-05-08 00:30 | ||
A Flight over the West H. 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:30 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl A Flight over the West Hill Dream is now here, floating like the cloud. West Hill sprouts, fading with the crowd; Flying high, half way home thru the wind, feeling free of bind, so I bound to rescind. West Hill sprouts, fading away the crowd; West Hill shouts, parting away the crowd. West Hill sprouts, parting from the crowd; 西山雲夢 --- 瀟湘神 雲水間,雲水間, ﹝雲水憨 or 雲水酣--just like the way it sounds﹞ 夢寒魂澀別西山。 客恁斜風催路半, 閑愁方臥想煙鬟。﹝才﹞ .................................................................................. A Flight over the West Hill Dream is now here , floating like the cloud. West Hill sprouts, parting from the crowd; Flying high, half way home thru the wind, feeling free of bind, so I bound to rescind. 西山雲夢@瀟湘神 雲水間,雲水間, 夢寒離索別西山。 客恁斜風將半路, 閑愁還臥想煙鬟。 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:30 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣,給您最大的祝福 ... |
回覆: | A Flight over the West H. | 第 18 樓 |
回覆: | What about 雲水天?�. | 第 19 樓 |
時間:2005-05-08 00:31 | ||
What about 雲水天?�. 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:31 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl What about 雲水天?﹝可惜與山的韻還是不夠好聽。﹞ ﹝客乘直風歸路半﹞挺好的,如果客乘與閑愁能對上就更好了。 謝謝您的交流,可以到詩詞創作版追靈感。 Dream is now here, floating like the cloud. West Hill sprouts, parting from the crowd; Flying high, half way home thru the wind, feeling free of bind, so I bound to rescind. 西山雲夢@瀟湘神 雲水天,雲水天, 夢寒魂覺別西山。 客乘直風歸路半, 閑愁才臥想煙鬟。 ....................................................................... Dream is now here, floating like the cloud. West Hill sprouts, parting from the crowd; Flying high, half way home thru the wind, feeling free of bind, so I bound to rescind. 西山雲夢@瀟湘神 雲水連,雲水連, 夢寒魂覺別西山。 客乘直風歸路半, 閑愁才臥想煙鬟。 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:31 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣,給您最大的祝福 ... |
回覆: | dearest 畢詞長, --w. | 第 20 樓 |
回覆: | 喜歡連字動詞也行. | 第 21 樓 |
時間:2005-05-08 00:31 | ||
喜歡連字動詞也行. 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:31 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl 喜歡連字動詞也行,只是,連字音較沉,不若原先間字清亮。 愁人不妥,閑愁比較好,客乘調整一下。 再把幾組列出讀一下,也許可以交錯或撞出新火花來。 雲水憨,雲水憨;夢飛渺渺別西山。﹝雲水酣﹞ 歸賦乘風迎路半,閑愁才臥想煙鬟。 雲水連,雲水連,夢寒魂澀別西山。 客恁斜風催路半,閑愁方臥想煙鬟。 雲水間,雲水間,夢寒蕭瑟別西天; 遊子賦歸風路晏,愁人思臥想鬟煙。 雲水連,雲水連,夢寒蕭瑟別西天; 歸客乘風山半掩,閑愁思臥想鬟煙。 ........................................................................... 雲水連,雲水連, 夢寒魂覺別西山。 客乘直風歸路半, 閑愁才臥想煙鬟。 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-08 00:31 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣,給您最大的祝福 ... |
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