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英文詩苑
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Silver Boat (HAIKU)
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畢泠 江山如畫
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| 發帖人 主題標題： | Silver Boat (HAIKU) 回覆數: 5 點數: 713 | 第 1 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-07 23:50
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Silver Boat (HAIKU) 摘自 天下文壇 寒鴉 2005-05-07 23:50 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl 1 __Silver Boat (HAIKU) Is that a silver boat? The misty moon sailing! Indeed. Can she reach the shore? ．．．．．．．．．．．．．． __Silver Boat That is, that is, that Misty moon sailing, innocent Can't she arrive the shore? 天下文壇 天下文壇 寒鴉 2005-05-07 23:50 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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| 回覆： | 寒鴉詞長新年好！. | 第 2 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-07 23:52
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寒鴉詞長新年好！. 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-07 23:52 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl 1 此貼您已經花了1 園閱讀費，可以閱讀 *@@* 了,要看仔細 貼主共投資了 10 園血本，每份定價 1 園出售 貼主目前虧損 -9 園 購買者1人 1 1 寒鴉詞長新年好！ http://www.toyomasu.com/haiku/#whatishaiku This link has the information and samples of poems about Haiku. Haiku can almost describe anything, usually express the feelings or seeing...... Would suggest to change the first line to make it more connected with the second line, then the 3rd line to confirm the 2nd line with question. Also, Can't she arrive the shore is not a proper expressing. Arrival/arriving is a situation expected, it doesn't go well with cant. However, yours is very original though, it's kind of cute. Here are the suggestions and some of poems from Haiku poets for your reference. 5-7-5 Hey, look, what is that? The Misty moon sailing! Indeed. Can she reach the shore? When will she arrive shore? (Can she reach the shore) or (When will she arrive the shore? ………………………………………………………………………………………… In all the rains of May there is one thing not hidden - the bridge at Seta Bay. Without flowing wine How to enjoy lovely Cherry blossoms? Sick and feverish Glimpse of cherry blossoms Still shivering. Green frog, Is your body also freshly painted? An old pond! A frog jumps in- The sound of water. ………………………………………………………………………… __Silver Boat That is, that is, that Misty moon sailing, innocent Can't she arrive the shore? 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-07 23:52 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣，給您最大的祝福 ... |
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| 回覆： | Silver Boat (HAIKU) --. | 第 3 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-07 23:52
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Silver Boat (HAIKU) --. 摘自 天下文壇 寒鴉 2005-05-07 23:52 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl 1 此貼您已經花了1 園閱讀費，可以閱讀 *@@* 了,要看仔細 貼主共投資了 10 園血本，每份定價 1 園出售 貼主目前虧損 -9 園 購買者1人 1 1 Silver Boat (HAIKU) I wonder, is that a silver boat? The misty moon sailing! Indeed. Can she reach the shore? 天下文壇 天下文壇 寒鴉 2005-05-07 23:52 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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| 回覆： | It's good! ----You h. | 第 4 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-07 23:53
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It's good! ----You h. 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-07 23:53 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl It's good! You have 2 choices, one is as is, not to bind with the line limits, or if you want to make it a 5-7-5 type, then you could do it as: Is that silver boat? (a) The misty moon sailing! Indeed. Can she reach the shore? ................................................................. Silver Boat (HAIKU) I wonder, is that a silver boat? The misty moon sailing! Indeed. Can she reach the shore? 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-07 23:53 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣，給您最大的祝福 ... |
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| 回覆： | sure i wish to make it a. | 第 5 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-07 23:54
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sure i wish to make it a. 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-07 23:54 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl sure i wish to make it a 5-7-5 type.. __Silver Boat (HAIKU) Is that a silver boat? The misty moon sailing! Indeed. Can she reach the shore? 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-07 23:54 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣，給您最大的祝福 ... |
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| 回覆： |
__Silver Boat (HAIKU) |
第 6 樓 |
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時間：2005-05-07 23:55
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__Silver Boat (HAIKU) 摘自 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-07 23:55 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl __Silver Boat (HAIKU) Is that a silver boat? (a) should be taken out) 1---1--1-1-1---1-- The misty moon sailing! Indeed. --1---1------1----1-1---1---1-- Can she reach the shore? --1----1--1------1---1---- I guess these are the countings, if I am wrong, somebody, please correct me! 天下文壇 天下文壇 畢泠 2005-05-07 23:55 http://yuhsia.com/ccb/index.pl |
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漢語在線 ~ 迴風小築 ~ 相逢即有緣，給您最大的祝福 ... |
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